Nine

Rob Marshall's "Nine" is an exercise in pointlessness. While Fellini's "8 1/2" is a very personal film, with the character of Guido standing in for Fellini himself, the film version of "Nine" is really owned by no one. Adapting "8 1/2" into a Broadway musical in the first place is a questionable choice. It's a strong film because it takes advantage of what the film medium can do, and it is now and forever will be the quintessential film about making films. It was first performed on stage in 1982 in a musical written by Arthur Kopit and Maury Yeston. Jump ahead 27 years and we now have an adaptation of the stage version written by Anthony Minghella and Michael Tolkin and directed by Rob Marshall (Chicago). So what began as a striking autobiographical work by one of cinema's most famous auteurs is now bastard child of Hollywood and Broadway. There are simply too many cooks in the kitchen with this new version and the result is a bland mess.

There are really only two ingredients in this thing that really work. I went to see this strictly based on the involvement of Daniel Day Lewis (a perennial favorite of mine) and Marion Cotillard (quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses). They are both fantastic in this movie and I didn't doubt for a second that they were giving it all they could. The rest of the cast is serviceable and each of the women are given musical numbers and a few key scenes. Penelope Cruz is sexy as hell but behaves exactly like you would expect her to. Who better to play the ideal woman than Nicole Kidman? Unfortunately her role doesn't require her to do anything but look beautiful. Kate Hudson is quite dull as an American reporter. Veterans Judi Dench and Sophia Loren hold their own in small roles but are never given anything to do. I guess you can blame the small roles on the structure of the original story, but that begs the question of why such a star-studded remake was necessary in the first place?

So, if we remove the personal aspect of the film and let the involvement of a multitude of creators water down the orignal point of the story, what are we left with? Unfortunately not much. I think it tries to be a love letter to Fellini's Italian cinema but that's hard to pull off when almost no one in your cast is actually Italian. So let's see, we have two Brits, an Aussie, French, Spanish and two Americans. Fergie's musical number, "Be Italian" is especially infuriating. Fergie, I know what your area code is and it's nowhere near Rome. Oh, and let's not forget that everyone inexplicably speaks English in this film.

The cinematography in this film is incredibly lifeless and makes me yearn to watch the amazing black and white photography of Fellini's "8 1/2" and "La Dolce Vita".

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that is a musical, although I can't for the life of me figure out why it should be. I'm not much of a fan of musicals but I can assure you that there are no memorable tunes in this one and that the lyrics are very trite.

It's been a long time since I have felt the urge to actually throw things at the screen. If not for the fact that Daneil Day Lewis and Marion Cotillard are so electrifying every moment they are on screen, I would have walked out. For the majority of the film I kept asking myself why this thing should even exist and by the end of it I hadn't come up with an answer.